When people ask, “Are you an Early Bird, or a Night Owl?” my answer comes quickly and easily: “Neither, moron.”
When my alarm goes off in the morning at 7:00, I hit snooze every nine minutes until at least 8:12 when I begrudgingly drag myself out of bed and into the shower. If you dare disturb my sleep before this time: may God have mercy on your soul, because I certainly won’t. I decline invitations to meetings starting before 10:30, and on a good day I’m only 30 minutes late to work. Do not smile at me, or wish me, “Good Morning,” or even wave in a cheerful manner, for I’m liable to bite your head off.
The best part of my day is the moment I crawl into bed, lean against my pillows and pull the 800 thread count sheets up over my body. Before sliding into bed I must perform a series of rituals to calm myself down and get my mind ready for sleep. If at any point my slumber is interrupted, I must start the rituals again. So yeah, if you thoughtlessly knock on my bedroom door for anything less than a severe cranial contusion, prepare yourself for a beat down. Even my husband gets an elbow to the gut when he gently nudges my sleeping body so that he can spoon me properly.
I’m not exactly a daytime person, either. I generally spend my day sliding into and out of sugar highs, avoiding any real work and willing myself not to deck any unwitting coworkers.