Tylenol: No help whatsoever.
Sudafed: I’m sorry, did I just drop acid?
Benadryl: May as well be a tranquilizer dart, it makes me fall asleep so fast.
Claritin: Ambien incarnate, even the non-drowsy formula.
Zyrtec: Again with the sleepies.
Alavert: Um, this is exactly the same medicine as Claritin, WHY did you prescribe it to me when I told you I wouldn’t take Claritin because it makes me pass out? Honestly… What a waste of a $20 copay.
Allegra: “Upset stomach, menstrual cramps, back pain, cough, fever, stuffy nose, earache or dizziness may occur.” Um… No thanks…
Clarinex: “Throat discomfort, muscle pain, nausea, indigestion, loss of appetite, diarrhea, dizziness, fatigue, trouble sleeping, nosebleeds, or dry mouth may occur.” I think I prefer the sneezing…
So basically, I’m going to continue sneezing, itching and throbbing until Spring is over, because even though allergy meds are a multi-billion dollar industry, they can’t make something simple to make me stop sneezing without passing out or alternately having PMS. As most women would, I’m sure: I’ll take the sneezing over the ovary hockey any day.