I can't believe it's happened. It's taken seven years, but it actually happened. My husband has turned me into a girl. I am no longer capable of sitting through and enjoying any sporting event that happens to be on television. Not even if it's in HD.
Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but it's a goddamn huge deal to me. See, I've always been that girl. The cool girl who knew all the positions on a baseball team, understood the penalty signals on the football field, and who could accurately call a foul in a basketball game. The girl who hollered at the refs when they blew a call, who screamed obscentities at the TV screen every time Barry Bonds's face flashed across it, and who would happily walk through the rain, under a highway overpass, and through the ghetto just to attend a fucking Jaguars game. Throw in the ability to make a mean batch of Schaller's hot sauce, change a tire, and tolerate a subscription to Playboy, and you've got a pretty nice catch (if I do say so myself).
But everyone has her limit. Don't get me wrong, I still love, LOVE, sports, and I still love to watch them on TV. But I'm so over being forced to sit through every round of golf, every tennis match, every inning of every meaningless Mets-Pirates game, and every snap featuring the previously mentioned Tom Brady (ha ha, loser!). I'd estimate that approximately 60% of what we watch in the Kolby house is sports, and these days the other 30% is filled with political commentary and old M.A.S.H episodes. And Mr. Kolby doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why my sighs have gotten significantly louder, or why I've taken to watching Discovery Health and Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? in the bedroom.
So, yeah, I will never get over March Madness, college bowl games, the World Series or the Super Bowl, but I have GOT to find something else to do in the buildup to those events. Something constructive. Maybe a hobby.