Why am I slutty....

If I choose to wear an unlined bra? I mean, I understand that it's unseasonably chilly today, and also that I'm just so damn gorgeous that even women seemingly can't take their eyes off of me, and that yes, OK, MAYBE a silk sweater isn't the premiere garment to layer over said unlined bra - but who the hell cares if the outlines of my nipples are making an appearance at this very moment? I see older, heavier (i.e."fat") broads wearing lace or silk brazzieres under their outfits. Hell, most of the time I can SEE the bras themselves through the freakishly gigantic armholes of their sleeveless tops (don't even get me started on seeing these sleeveless tops in the dead of winter - 3 months of flabby, flapping skin is plenty, thankyouverymuch). So why do I, a married, 29-year-old woman, dressed tastefully, with all my "sexy" bits fully covered, receive constant oogling from the men and ocular death threats from the women in my office building? I'm wearing a turtleneck, for chrissakes! Yes, as I said before, it's silk, and YES, as previously mentioned, my nipples are "there", in all their glory, but come on people, everyone's got them! Are mine so unique that, regardless of the circumstances or level of deiscomfort involved, everyone's attention is immediately drawn to my chest, as if The Secret is contained within? Should I be forced to wear thickly lined, armor-like undergarments while the older, not-as-fun-to-look-at ladies of my floor get away with wearing bras that not even Frederick's would dare to carry? It's a double standard, I tell you.

And if I wasn't afraid to removed my forearms from their protective positioning over my breasts, I might be able to actually do something about it, like gesturing wildly or pounding my fist into my hand while standing on my desk and shouting that I'm not gonna take it anymore!

Oh, who am I kidding - this does look kind of slutty.

Ok, so I have become enchanted by bangs. I KNOW! Trust me, I know what you are thinking. I haven't had them since I was 12 so apparently those intervening 16 years have taught me nothing except that time really does heal all wounds. But look at these celebrities that are mocking me with lovely bangs: Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, Emilie de Ravin, even Kiki Dunst!

So, before I go absolutely mad and bend to the will of "fashion," weigh in with your opinions...

Favorite White Tee

For those of you who don't know, I am OBSESSED with the white t-shirt (wearing one right now, actually.) Given an excuse to do so, I would wear one every day. Consequently, I am always on the hunt for a new one; be it short or long sleeved, because really, you can never have enough.

So one day I’m shopping for things I don’t need in Target, like you do, and I spot some white long sleeved tees on the sale rack. They were super-cheap and REALLY soft, and even though I had no idea who the designer was (come on, it was Target) I grabbed one. This shirt has become my favorite white tee (FWT); it’s really long, extra roomy and oh-so-comfy.

A few months after the purchasing of the FWT, I saw the cutest madras maternity sundress for a friend of mine at Target. After texting a picture of the dress to her, I noticed the designer was the same as it was on my FWT. I thought, “Oh, this designer has become popular at Target, she now makes maternity clothing too!” Later, I went online to shop through the designer’s collection, as I had done so well with FWT, and that maternity dress was terribly adorable, maybe they had a non-maternity version. Can you guess what happened next?

I discovered that no, there was no non-maternity version of the dress, because that particular designer only makes maternity clothes for Target. I quickly threw on my FWT, turned sideways and cocked my head. Huh. It’s really way longer than it needs to be, and there is all this extra fabric around the belly… I threw a pillow under the shirt and all revealed itself. My FWT is a maternity shirt. No wonder it was so long and roomy…

For a while I felt like a complete idiot, being a non-pregnant woman walking around in maternity wear for so very long, but then I realized that if I hadn’t noticed it the many times I scrutinized myself in the mirror, onlookers probably wouldn’t either…

So I still wear it. Often. It’s still my FWT, and when I finally do become pregnant, it will remain my FWT, and that’ll be one less thing I’ll have to buy when the times comes.

Shouldn’t we be learning from this?

We got Guinness at the end of April, and now that he’s potty trained, he’s eating everything in sight instead of peeing on it. First it was the molding in the kitchen, then the wall in the kitchen (how is that even possible?) and last night I

came home to a pile of ripped and chewed up paper on the floor that I recognized as our Dave Matthews Band tickets for Tuesday. Imaging explaining that one to your husband… He was obviously less than pleased, but luckily The Warehouse was able to replace the tickets with picture confirmation of the mess our little guy had made.

You’d think we would learn from this, no? We’re getting better, trying not to trust him so much yet, but he’s so cute it’s hard to be strong around that little puppy face. So for now we’re just trying not to keep important stuff below a six foot level in the house, because he always manages to get to it otherwise.

No Spoilers…

…But it was everything I hoped it could be and more. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t get the black market copy early, because I read nonstop (laughing and crying) from the time I got my book at 12:15 am until I finished it at 4:15 pm, save for a three hour nap (which I don't think work would've appreciated). I was a total zombie at the end, went way too fast and probably missed important things, but I’m so glad I read it all in one. I’m now on the point of listening to my audio book (like the freak I am, see below) so that I can fully appreciate the final installment. Oh how I love Madame Rowling.

I want it NOW.

All I want is the damn Harry Potter book. I’ve been waiting for two years to read it and all the chatter about leaks is not making it any easier.

For the record, I am not interested in the stupid spoilers of, “Oh, so and so dies in this one,” and “This person is really a death eater.” I want the whole damn thing.

Some ambitious dude got a hold of a copy of the book, took pictures of every page and then uploded the whole book to photobucket to share with the world. Genius, fellow! The problem with this is that I didn’t find out about it until AFTER Scholastic pressed charges and took them down. Bastards!

Now, before you go telling me about how it’s not fair and the suspense is part of the magic, blah blah blah, please remember that we’ve already been waiting TWO YEARS for this final installment about our favorite wizard, and that's quite a lot to ask in the first place.

And just for the record, yes, I’d still buy the book even if I read it online ahead of time. I also buy the audio books, because I am that freak who reads and listens to the books ceaselessly, and can quote random facts that not even the administrators of some of the most popular Harry Potter fan sites could. In fact, rather than buying an i-pod based on how many songs it could fit, I shopped for the one that I calculated could hold all seven audio books.

So yeah I’ve been waiting two whole years for this book, what’s another two days, right? I think the real question is: What on earth am I going to do with myself when the series is over?

The Draw of Lincoln

My husband is in DC working for the week and called me last night around 11:30PM to tell me that he was touring around with co-workers, hitting up the presidential monuments. He said when he came around to the Lincoln Memorial it was packed with families and children even at that late hour. Then this morning he called to tell me it was still packed out! So, my question is, what does Lincoln have that the others don't? I mean, maybe the Washington Monument doesn't have the same allure as the memorials that feature statues of the presidents (although I remember when I was about 5 you could still go inside, not sure if you still can with the security concerns), but then surely Jefferson would be as big a draw as Lincoln (which incidentally is where my 5 year old self learned how to pronounce "Thomas"). Maybe people are just more familiar with Lincoln, see him as a sort of father figure, and are attracted to the serenity of the gargantuan President sitting in his chair.