Thursday, August 30, 2007

Babies on the Brain

What is wrong with me? I know more about what’s happening in maternity fashion and pregnancy do-dads than my pregnant friends do…

Last night at dinner I mentioned the Belly Belt to my twice-pregnant friend, Liz, (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!) who knew nothing of the contraption that allows you to expand your favorite pair of trousers into maternity-wear. Ok, well we all know how Liz get’s when she’s pregnant, so maybe it was her. Nope. My other THRICE pregnant friend, Carolyn, also knew nothing about it. What the deuce?

So I thought about it. How do I spend my days when the work just isn’t getting done? Let’s see. I check Celebrity Baby Blog (CBB) then I bookmark all of the fabulous baby and maternity stuff they mention. I contemplate the nursery bedding set Keri Russell chose for her son, River, and decide what set I would’ve chosen. I snack as if I were eating for two, (though I am most definitely not) then I check CBB again and see the diaper bag Naomi Watts carries, and covet it for a good forty minutes. I have no need to carry diapers around at the mo’, but can you imagine how much stuff I could get in there? When make believe time has ended, I check CBB again (what, they update it a LOT, ok?) and enter to win a personalized baby blanket (of course I would have no idea how to personalize a blanket for a child that is years off, so I vow to personalize it for Liz if I win) from yet another fabulous baby site.

After realizing what my day entails (see above) and what my pregnant friends’ days entail, (chasing kids around after a long day of work and going to bed at a ridiculously early hour because they grew a lung or something that day) it’s pretty obvious why they’re clueless about pregnancy and baby crap. You see, they have actual things to think and worry about, like pregnancy, childbirth and financing the whole fiasco; whilst I sit on my bottom and dream up wardrobe for a future-preggo me and a nursery for a not-even-thought-about infant.

Le sigh. At least I know what nursery bedding set I’ll be choosing when the time eventually comes. In the meantime, however, I’ll be the best baby-gift giver there is. Perhaps I should think about getting a real hobby…

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Why am I slutty....

If I choose to wear an unlined bra? I mean, I understand that it's unseasonably chilly today, and also that I'm just so damn gorgeous that even women seemingly can't take their eyes off of me, and that yes, OK, MAYBE a silk sweater isn't the premiere garment to layer over said unlined bra - but who the hell cares if the outlines of my nipples are making an appearance at this very moment? I see older, heavier (i.e."fat") broads wearing lace or silk brazzieres under their outfits. Hell, most of the time I can SEE the bras themselves through the freakishly gigantic armholes of their sleeveless tops (don't even get me started on seeing these sleeveless tops in the dead of winter - 3 months of flabby, flapping skin is plenty, thankyouverymuch). So why do I, a married, 29-year-old woman, dressed tastefully, with all my "sexy" bits fully covered, receive constant oogling from the men and ocular death threats from the women in my office building? I'm wearing a turtleneck, for chrissakes! Yes, as I said before, it's silk, and YES, as previously mentioned, my nipples are "there", in all their glory, but come on people, everyone's got them! Are mine so unique that, regardless of the circumstances or level of deiscomfort involved, everyone's attention is immediately drawn to my chest, as if The Secret is contained within? Should I be forced to wear thickly lined, armor-like undergarments while the older, not-as-fun-to-look-at ladies of my floor get away with wearing bras that not even Frederick's would dare to carry? It's a double standard, I tell you.

And if I wasn't afraid to removed my forearms from their protective positioning over my breasts, I might be able to actually do something about it, like gesturing wildly or pounding my fist into my hand while standing on my desk and shouting that I'm not gonna take it anymore!

Oh, who am I kidding - this does look kind of slutty.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Ok, so I have become enchanted by bangs. I KNOW! Trust me, I know what you are thinking. I haven't had them since I was 12 so apparently those intervening 16 years have taught me nothing except that time really does heal all wounds. But look at these celebrities that are mocking me with lovely bangs: Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, Emilie de Ravin, even Kiki Dunst!

So, before I go absolutely mad and bend to the will of "fashion," weigh in with your opinions...

Monday, August 13, 2007

Favorite White Tee

For those of you who don't know, I am OBSESSED with the white t-shirt (wearing one right now, actually.) Given an excuse to do so, I would wear one every day. Consequently, I am always on the hunt for a new one; be it short or long sleeved, because really, you can never have enough.

So one day I’m shopping for things I don’t need in Target, like you do, and I spot some white long sleeved tees on the sale rack. They were super-cheap and REALLY soft, and even though I had no idea who the designer was (come on, it was Target) I grabbed one. This shirt has become my favorite white tee (FWT); it’s really long, extra roomy and oh-so-comfy.

A few months after the purchasing of the FWT, I saw the cutest madras maternity sundress for a friend of mine at Target. After texting a picture of the dress to her, I noticed the designer was the same as it was on my FWT. I thought, “Oh, this designer has become popular at Target, she now makes maternity clothing too!” Later, I went online to shop through the designer’s collection, as I had done so well with FWT, and that maternity dress was terribly adorable, maybe they had a non-maternity version. Can you guess what happened next?

I discovered that no, there was no non-maternity version of the dress, because that particular designer only makes maternity clothes for Target. I quickly threw on my FWT, turned sideways and cocked my head. Huh. It’s really way longer than it needs to be, and there is all this extra fabric around the belly… I threw a pillow under the shirt and all revealed itself. My FWT is a maternity shirt. No wonder it was so long and roomy…

For a while I felt like a complete idiot, being a non-pregnant woman walking around in maternity wear for so very long, but then I realized that if I hadn’t noticed it the many times I scrutinized myself in the mirror, onlookers probably wouldn’t either…

So I still wear it. Often. It’s still my FWT, and when I finally do become pregnant, it will remain my FWT, and that’ll be one less thing I’ll have to buy when the times comes.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Shouldn’t we be learning from this?

We got Guinness at the end of April, and now that he’s potty trained, he’s eating everything in sight instead of peeing on it. First it was the molding in the kitchen, then the wall in the kitchen (how is that even possible?) and last night I

came home to a pile of ripped and chewed up paper on the floor that I recognized as our Dave Matthews Band tickets for Tuesday. Imaging explaining that one to your husband… He was obviously less than pleased, but luckily The Warehouse was able to replace the tickets with picture confirmation of the mess our little guy had made.

You’d think we would learn from this, no? We’re getting better, trying not to trust him so much yet, but he’s so cute it’s hard to be strong around that little puppy face. So for now we’re just trying not to keep important stuff below a six foot level in the house, because he always manages to get to it otherwise.